My most frustrating moments

When I first started having health problems, I think what frustrated me most is that no one seemed willing to listen.  I would try and explain my symptoms and people would say, “take a nap and you’ll feel better,” “sometimes the body just does things that we can’t explain”, or they would complain that I was complaining.  I can’t tell you how frustrating it was to talk and not be truly heard.  Many times I was reduced to tears.

When I think about the level of frustration that I felt, the following comes to mind:

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The frustration, screaming, clawing, trying to get out.  AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!  I felt like screaming “DOES ANYONE HEAR ME?”  Is anyone there?  No, I felt completely alone.

When I finally found someone who would listen, I spoke quickly and hurriedly.  Afraid they’d decide they had something else to do before I could get it all out.  I was huffing, puffing, crying, choking….all in the name of wanting to be heard; wanting someone to understand; wanting someone to just listen.  I needed that release.  It was like I was finally able to exhale.  I’d finally been able to speak and be heard.  I was in heaven and the burden of being misunderstood, mis…….. was lifted off my shoulders and I did something I hadn’t been able to do in 8 years….I exhaled and cried tears of joy.

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